A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she`d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad `cause all the people are leaving.
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh i know." So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?" His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you ?"
"Yes." whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax ?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no." she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."
Try to guess the real names of these Christmas songs:
1. Bleached Yule 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors 4. Righteous Darkness 5. Arrival Time 2400 hrs - Weather Cloudless 6. Loyal Followers Advance 7. Far Off in a Feeder 8. Array the Corridor 9. Bantam Male Percussionist 10. Monarchial Triad 11. Nocturnal Noiselessness 12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers 13. Red Man En Route to Borough 14. Frozen Precipitation Commence 15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle 16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis 17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant 18. Delight for this Planet 19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings 20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals 21. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season 22. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster 23. May the deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans 24. Natal celebration devoid of color, rather albino, as a hallucinatory phenomenom for me 25. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals 26. Tranquility upon the terrestrial sphere 27. Have hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief of Christmas
A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents.
As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"
Everytime you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!" continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation.
Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire.
Wear Golf Shoes.
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices.
Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling.
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again
Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened.
Bring full angling gear, ask how they're biting.....fish.
Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off.
Hide behind the pins. Stick your head up, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
Use a Curling Weight instead, bring a full team of sweepers.
Throw refuse down the ball return, tell the owner the trash compactor is busted.
Make your prescence known by arranging pentagrams out of candles on every lane except yours.
Root for the other team- Bring Banners.
Make fun of your team- Bring Lettuce.
Tell the rival team captain that you just met his "little girl" walk away mumbling "how bad things happen"
Bring a foghorn, use at crucial moments
Even if you miss totally--At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEEEEERIKE
Bring a small gold idol, demand the other team pray to it.
Rent all the lanes, don't bowl
Rent all the shoes, eat them
Blatenly Underscore yourself, then accuse the other team of cheating
When an opponent is on his backswing, race up and take his ball, run home.
If your team is in the finals, throw nothing but gutterballs, blame platetechtonics
Trip EVERY member of the opposing team, trip your team, trip everyone
Wear a baseball uniform, bowl sidearm.
SuperGlue Police Whistles to the hand-dryers...leave town
Walk around asking people why they are here, do this the whole night
Ask to use the house mic. Say you want to make an anoucement, expond on the sins of bowling
Name your ball something like "KILLER", Openly boast to everyone how great you are, bowl terribly. Do this all night
Sit in your lane and heckle others with a BullHorn.
Bring a dartgun...Be inventive.
Wrestle with your ball. (WWF Style) Ask someone to ref.
Run around sprinkling "MAGIC FAIRY DUST" on everyone's balls. Tar works nice.
Sponsor a Really Big Open Bowl Night, Dont even have a Entrance fee. Advertise it using Every Mass Media known to man, make the 3rd Prize: $10,000 and a Porshce 2nd Prize: $5,000 and a trip to Europe 1st Prize: A coffee mug Then sit back a watch the fights..... leave or Cancel the whole thing.
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