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Gharwali |
Ek baar ik aadmi upar se gir jata hai aur behosh ho jata hai .
Doctor : yeh mar chuka hai .
Jab us aadmi ko shamshan ghaat le ja rahe hote hai to woh uthh ke bolta hai main zinda hoon, tabhi us ki wife bolti hai chup kar ke paijaa, tenu doctor nalo jiada pata.... |
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Punjabi Love |
rifle dunali je mirze kol hondi, pichhe Sehban de bhaiyan nu mor dinda,
sohni duban to pehla je phone kardi,Mahiwal ik kishti rod denda,
akal hundi te vech kuch Ranjha court marriage layi paise jod lainda,
khabar hundi je blocha de aaun di Punnu ret chhad Kulu Manali wal daud lainda |
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Punjabi Mor |
Ik adhami bus te chard reha aa te aage kurdiya ah jandiya ne
Oh kurdiya nu kehnda ke tusi pehlo chard jo mein badh
vich charda aa
Kurdiya chard jandiya ne te conductor kehnda aa "No
More"
Soch da aa koi gal ney mein agli bus te chard java ga
Dujhi bus aundi aa te pher kurdiya ah jandiya ne, te dubara oh kurdiya nu keh denda aa ke tusi pehlo chard jo, es vari vi conductor kehna aa "No More"
Pher agli bus ley udeekda aa
Jadho chardan laga aa te pher kurdiya ah janiya ne, te conductor pher ak da aa "No More"
Haar ke bandha kehnda aa "Sala morniya nu chardayi janda aa, jadh mor de vari aundi aa te kehnda aa NO MORE" |
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Punjabi Names |
Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh
Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there: Gir charan Singh
A gangster Punjabi Female: Hard Kaur
Punjabi who drinks only beer: Just-beer(Jasbir) Singh
Punjabi who has only one drink : Just-one (Jaswant) Singh
Punjabi who visits every temple: Har Mandir Singh
Punjabi Female's boyfriend: Her-Pal Singh |
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Dream Destination |
pledge of punjabi boys:-
punjab is our nation
girls r in our meditation
dating is our occupation
drinking is our profession
every day is celebration
to hell with education
because CANADA is our dream destination... |
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Punjab Bachaoo |
1 Bihari : 100 bimari
2 Bihari : ladai ki teyaari
3 Bihari : train hamari
4 Bihari : election ki teyaari
5 Bihari : sarkaar hamari
6 Bihari : punjab hi hamari
CHUK DE FATTA
Bhayia bhajaoo
PUNJAB bachaaoo |
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Air travel |
| One sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar." |
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5 Sawaal aur 10,000 Jeeto |
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal:
Who is India’s Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!
Joke 7) Phone a Friend
Santa Singh after reaching 13th question:
Amitabh: apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne…
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bachchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Mohd. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff.
Amitabh: Apka kya jawab hai? (He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh: Apke pas do life line hai… (50:50 and phone a friend)
Santa: I think it is A but am not sure.
Amitabh: Not sure… Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa: I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer, 2 galat javabo ko mita de…
Computer:
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azhar.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake but as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last lifeline phone a friend…
Amitabh: Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa: Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga… |
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…Before We Have An Accident |
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A
police car pulled them over.
'You were going eighty!' ,the officer yelled.
'Why on earth were you driving so fast?'
'We have a good reason,' Lloyd explained to the
cop.
'Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there
before we had an accident!' |
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Whistle! |
A Jatt, who had spent his whole life in his village, comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the rail tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a iron rod from the nearby shelf and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small." |
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