Then there was the old man brought up charges of sexually molesting a teenager. H ever, the judge dismissed the case because th( evidence wouldn't stand up in court.

Q: What has eighteen legs and a pair of tits?

A: The Supreme Court.

Worse was the alleged rapist who stood before the judge and pleaded innocence by reason of insanity.

"Insanity?" coughed the judge. "Young man, you seem perfectly normal to me."

"Oh, I am," he admitted, "it's sex I'm crazy about."

"Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?"

Hie moron rose and aswered respectfully, "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking.

Later that day the same judge meted out justice yet again.

"I'm going to give you a short sentence," he said to the convicted murderer.

Grinning, the killer said, "Bless you, Your Honor."

"Life!" was the judge's edict.

"Life?" screamed the murderer. "But that's not a short sentence."

"They don't make em shorter than one word," was the judge's reply,

Everyone in the courtroom waited with great anticipation as the judge, ensconced in his chambers, considered the evidence in the widely publicized paternity suit. Emerging after long minutes of deliberation, the brooding magistrate entered the courtroom and took his seat behind the bench. Staring at the defendant, he suddenly reached into his robes, withdrew a cigar, and with a flourish handed it to the young man.

"Congratulations," the judge declared, "you've just become a father."

After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case, Judge Hand called a brief recess and re-! tired to his chambers. En route, he bumpedj into Judge Foote.

"Say," said Hand, "what would you give sixty-three-year-old hooker?"

"Christ," replied Foote, "five or six bucks tops."

Looking down at the defendant, the judge said, "Mr. Riley, I've decided to give you a suspended sentence."

Tears pouring from his eyes, Riley cried, "Oh, thank you, Your Honor!"

"Don't thank me," the judge replied. "I'm sentencing you to be hanged."