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Did you hear about the blonde that... |
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms. |
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Why do blondes have periods? |
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them. |
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Blonde orders a drink. |
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender...
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a
15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7" |
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eyes closed |
Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
He wanted to see what he looked like asleep. |
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Parachute |
Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?
A: They open on impact. |
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Key in the car |
One day there was this blonde that pulled up to a gas station. She filled her car with gas then went to the gas station clerk. Then she asked him for a hanger. The clerk asked her why and she replied that she locked her keys in the car. So the clerk gave the blonde the hanger.
Thirty minutes later the clerks sees the same blonde outside. So the clerk decides to help them out.
The blonde says, "No thanks."
All of a sudden there was another blonde in the car saying, "A little bit to the left." |
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Blonde & Overhead Transparancy |
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side. |
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Blonde Counsellor |
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer.
She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!" |
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Blondes Pain |
A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger." |
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Blonde one-liners |
How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate chip cookies...there are M&M shells all over the floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory...proof reading.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense...I'll tell you tomorrow.
How do you keep a blonde busy...write "please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why can't the blonde make ice cubes...she lost the receipt.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed...she wanted to see what she looked like when she was sleeping.
How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek...one.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone...divorced.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven...she didn't know which 1 came first. |
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