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blonde jokes
(Showing 1-10 of 688)
Double-decker bus
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, “What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re havin’ a grand time downstairs!” One of the blondes looks up and says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”
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Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
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What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

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President Bush and Colin Powell

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one beautiful blonde."

The guy exclaimed, "A beautiful blonde? Why kill a beautiful blonde?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

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Blonde and diapers

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

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The FBI

There once was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red head. They were all running from the FBI. They ran and ran. They saw this barn, they ran in. Then they saw 3 burlap sacks and hid in them.

The FBI guys entered the barn, and seeing the sacks kicked the first one which the brunette was in.

'Meow meow' says the bag.

'Oh its just some cats' says the man. He does kicks the next sack that the red head was in.

'Bark, Ruff!' comes from within the sack.

'Oh, its just a bunch of dogs!' he says.

Then he goes to the last sack that the blonde was in, and before he could kick it, she said 'Potatoes!'

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Blonde and cell phone

A young man, wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something

nice for their first wedding anniversary. So, he decides to buy

her a cell phone. She is all excited and she loves her phone. He

shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes to get her hair done. Her phone

rings and it’s her husband. “Hi hon,” he says, “How do you like

your new phone?”


“I just love it, it’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell.

But there’s one thing I don’t understand. How did you know I was

at the beauty parlor?”

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Blonde kidnapper and her victim
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying,”I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde”. The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”
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Three blonde detectives

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to

become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,

he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid

it.

“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”


The first blonde answered, “That’s easy. We’ll catch him fast

because he only has one eye!”


The policeman said, “Well, uh, that’s because the picture shows

his profile.”


Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the

picture for five seconds at the second blonde and said, “This is

your suspect. How would you recognize him?”


The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair, and said, “Ha! He’d

be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”


The policeman angrily responded, “What’s the matter with you two?

Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a

picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up

with?”


Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the

third blonde and, in a very testy voice, asked, “This is your

suspect. How would you recognize him?” He quickly added, “Think

hard before giving me a stupid answer.”


The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said,

“The suspect wears contact lenses.”


The policeman was surprised and speechless because he really didn’t

know himself if the suspect wore contacts or not.


“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes

while I check his file and get back to you on that.”


He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect’s file

on his computer, and returned with a beaming smile.


“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s true! The suspect does in fact wear

contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute

observation?”


“That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses

because he only has one eye and one ear.”

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Beer Bottle
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up!
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