My brother Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.

"What's the difference?" Sean asked.

"Hello?" replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. "The COLOR is different!"

EAST BERNARD, TX (DWPI) -- Local barber Merton Storch revealed today that he can believe that the margarine spread "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" is not, in fact, butter. "I think it's obvious," said Storch.

"Butter is a creamy spread, while this crap is more like a space-age polymer." A spokesperson from Lilton Foods, responded by saying, "Well, I know *I* can't believe it's not butter." This is not the first time Storch has made a public food-related statement. In 1994, he held a press conference to announce he thought everything wasn't, in fact, "better with Blue Bonnet on it," and even demonstrated using food items such as ice cream, Jell-O, and what appeared to be a large squid.

Reported by Rob Winchell
The Daily Weekly

Q. What is blue and goes up and down?
A. A blueberry in an elevator!

Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberry?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.

Q: What do you get when 354 blueberries try to go through the door at the same time?
A: A Blueberry Jam!

Q. What do you get when you merge IBM and Apple
A. Blueberry Macs

Mr. Spock: "What is the formula for PI?"
Chekov: "Er...apple or blueberry, sir?"

A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?"

"I'm very sorry sir..." began the contrite headwaiter.

"Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again..."

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.

A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen and handed me money. "We're in trouble!" He said. "We're out of quarters, and customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $40 worth."

I ran to the supermarket next door, but a cashier said she wasn't allowed to give out that many quarters. Determined, I sprinted to a convenience store two blocks away, but it was closed. At a gas station farther down the road, the clerk took pity and gave me the four rolls of quarters.

Twenty minutes after I'd left, I handed the coin rolls to my boss. "Where are the quarters?" He asked.

"Right here," I said breathlessly.

His face sank. "I meant chicken quarters."

Question: If a rooster laid an egg on the top of a barn, which way would it roll?
Answer: Neither, roosters don't lay eggs.

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: Because the rooster egged her on.

Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!

Question: Why can't you tease egg whites?
Answer: They can't take a yolk.

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Omelette.
Omelette who?
Omelette smarter than I look!

Question: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
Answer: An eggs-plorer!

Question: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?
Answer: New Yolk City!

Question: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
Answer: It cracks up!

Question: What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?
Answer: Deviled eggs!

Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?
Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it!

Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation?
Answer: Sandy Eggo

Question: Why did the egg cross the street?
Answer: To get to the shell station.

Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe?
Answer: She wanted to hachet

Question: What do you call a egg who’s done lots of things?
Answer: An egg who has a lot of eggsperience.

Question: Where do you find information about eggs?
Answer: In the hen-cyclopedia

Question: Why is the chef so mean?
Answer: She beats the eggs!

Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!

Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
Answer: By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

Question: What does mummy hen call her baby?
Answer: Eggs-tra special

Question: Why did the egg not draw a straight line?
Answer: His ideas were scrambled

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."