Britain decided it was time to switch left lane traffic to right lane traffic, as everywhere in Europe.

So they gather to plan the whole thing and nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some help-me type faxes.

A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: "As your neighbours, we are deeply touched you requested our help, etc. etc, but we have no idea at all how to do it".

The German fax read: "We are Germany, the most organized country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it".

The Polish fax read: "As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation. We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually.

So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in three big steps. The first year, it should be mandatory only for the trucks to ride on the right lane."

Australian Rules Football is, like the games of many countries, a game of spectator devotion. Kids are born as supporters of a team, and die that way. Especially Collingwood supporters.

For example: Friend of mine (yes, one of those sorts of jokes) went to the Grand Final one year. Couldn't find a seat. Went into the Collingwood stand, saw and old bloke sitting next to the empty seat. Went over to him.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

"No, sit down mate"

"How come this seat was empty?"

"Oh I booked two seats, one for me and one for my wife"

"Is she ill or something?"

"No: actually she died last week"

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to intrude on your grief"

"Its OK ..."

"Why didn't you offer the seat to one of your workmates or family friends?"

"I would have done, but they're all at the funeral"

Newly arrived in the U.S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.

"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.

"I pilot," replies Mario.

"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"

"I lumberjack," he answers.

"Hmmmmm ... I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."

Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"

The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"

An English taxidermist, is sweating his way through the Australian outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer swilling locals and, in his well educated voice, asks the bartender, "May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man."

One of the locals says to his mates, "Geez, cobbers, what kind of a fucking man's drink is that?"

Then, turning to the Englishman, "Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom! Gin and fucking tonic are you some fucking kind of a poofter or something?"

"Ac...actually," the englishman, terrified, replies, "I'm a taxidermist."

"Oh yeah? And what's a taxidermist, then?"

"I mount d..d..dead animals."

"It's alright, cobbers," says the local, turning to his mates, "he's one of us!"

Possibly offensive to Norwegians since Ole and Lena are from Norway but now live in the US. I am 100% norwegian so I figure I can get by with this!

One day the Mexican maid announced to her boss's wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."

The wife was both surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.

The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."

This time, the wife was horrified and demanded an explanation.

"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and you husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and you son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

Rere are some new state slogans... Enjoy!