A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin ... perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin ... perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "My thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

"Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!

Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.

So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.

Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Ricky for $320 and 2 grams to D.J. for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If his price is $65 per fuck, how many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 pound pound of heroin and make a 20% profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for stealing a Chevy, and $200 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $1000?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money?
7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 8 square feet, how many letters can Tagger spray if he steals 3 cans of paint and finds 1 can of paint 1/3 empty?
8. Hector has knocked up 6 girls in his gang. If there are 27 girls in the gang, what percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?
9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her $235 per month rent goes up 15%, how many children should she have to keep up with expenses?
10. Salvator was arrested for dealing crack and his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose for jumping bail?

Yes ladies and gentlemen Canada is north, and Mexico is south, but east and west there *are* other people, cultures, countries and other interesting thing that weren't made in America.

A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 roubles - or one from Minsk for only 1000 roubles. So, naturally, - they got the cow from Minsk.

It was a great cow had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day.

Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise.

They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?"

The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"

The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

2 men are sitting in a Bar, talking about space travelling

"We, Americans, can easily fly to the planet Mars."

"We, Belgians, can easily fly to the Sun."

"To the sun??? But the Sun ... is much too hot!"

"That's why we go by night."

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result.

He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.

He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asks as he puts on an innocent look.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal an' all.

Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: "Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like."

"And then what?" asked the prosecutor.

"Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close."

"And what happened after that?"

"Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!"

Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, "You know... a good sheep'll do that."

After this proclamation of promise, the chief asks the cowboy his first desire, but the cowboy says he must talk to his horse first. The chief grants the request, and the cowboy whispers into the horse's ear and sends him galloping off.

At sunset, the trusty steed returns with a voluptuous, naked brunette. The cowboy helps the woman from the horse's back, takes her into his wigwam and makes love to her all night long.

On the second day, the chief says to the cowboy, "This is second day. What is second wish?" The cowboy, once again, requests a conference with his horse, and, once again, the horse rides off from the Indian camp. At sunset, the animal returns with a voluptuous, naked red-head. As before, the cowboy takes the woman into his quarters and makes love to her all night long.

On the third day of captivity, the chief goes to the cowboy and says, "This is your last day of life. What is last wish before you die?"

AGAIN, the cowboy requests to speak with his horse, but, this time, the cowboy does not whisper in the equestrian ear. He grabs the harness and gets nose-to-nose with the horse and screams, "THIS TIME BRING THE POSEE!!!!"