I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.

It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!

Q: How do cells communicate?

A: By cell phone!

Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?

2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?

3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?

4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?

5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?"

6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?

7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?

8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?

9. When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500."

"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000!"

"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?"

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

- "Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

- "Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

- "So, what are you doing?"

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

- "Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

- "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

- "Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

- "Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

- "So, what are you doing?"

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

- "Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

- "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the phone.

The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband:

"Hi honey", he says "how do you like your new phone?"

And she replies:

"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though".

"What's that, baby?," asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"

Addicted to Your Cell Phone? Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.

1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?

2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?

3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?

4. Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?

5. When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I’m hemorrhaging?"

6. Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?

7. Do you use the menu light as your night light?

8. Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500."

"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000!"

"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?"

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.

It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!