Five cannibals get appointed as consultants in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees.?

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared, however. Do any of you know what happened to her?�

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: “Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?�

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating directors, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you have to go and eat the cleaner!�

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."

Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Wrong Answer!

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do
you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

A business executive asked a few friends the question, "How's business?" Their answers:

Accountant: How would you LIKE it to be?

Astronomer: Looking up.

Author: Mine seems to be all write.

Auto Shop: I think we will break even this year!!!

Butcher: We're making ends meat.

Electrician: Got it wired.

Elevator Operator: Up and down.

Exterminator: We're gradually getting the bugs out.

Farmer: Increased celery.

Janitorial Service: We're cleaning up.

Locksmith: I think we found the key.

Margarine Producer: Couldn't be Butter.

Oven manufacturer: Grate.

Procedure Writer: We're stepping things up.

Tobacconist: Going up in smoke.

Toilet Manufacturer: Now I'm flush.

TV Repair-Person: Its in sync.

Whiskey dealer: Sloe.

My old boss had spent some time writing software packages for this particular program. The software usually came as source code and was executed through an
interpreter. He started a small business selling his custom software.

One day at a scientific meeting, he noticed another company was showing the software
with 'remarkably' similar functionality as his own. He wandered over to watch the demo and the longer he watched, the more familiar it looked.

Eventually, when the sales gerbil had gathered a good crowd, he asked in a rather loud voice, “Are you using my copyrighted copy for this?�

“Of course not!� the sales gerbil replied.

“So, what happens if you press [key combination]?�

“Nothing.�

“Well, humor me. Do it for me.�

“Ok, sir, but I can assure it you does . . .� and upon pressing the keys . . .
the large screen popped up my boss' copyright notice.

It was widely accepted as the biggest laugh of the show.

Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised.

It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.

When someone says this is as bad as it can get, don’t bet on it.

When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

When you don’t have an education, you’ve got to use your brains.

When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.

When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.

When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally.