Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. 

She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a
stretcher almost unconcious.

Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Jaswinder: Ok.

Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?

Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office
informs them that there is only one hotel in town with
vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by
reception that there is just one available room left in the
hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option,
they take the room for one evening and share its only bed. 
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the
morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, 
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night." 
The guy on the left side says, 
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!". 
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."

Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash
party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly
unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs,
where his wife put some breakfast in front of him.

'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night.
Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made
a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising
the entire board of directors and you insulted the president
of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh.

'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'

A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley
Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after
purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop
tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks
like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up
on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the
first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that
whenever they have dinner, don't talk.  "If you
talk," she tells him, "you have to do the
pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house
as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down
for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take
advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's
tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.  So he decides
to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a
word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the
table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from
anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the
kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he
reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out. At which
point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay!
Okay! I'll do the fucking pots!"

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices
for the First time, her father's nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she
doesn't have. She asks, 'What are those round things
hanging there, daddy?'

Proudly, he replies, 'Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples
of Life.

Without them we wouldn't be here.'

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy
has said.

To which mommy asks, 'Did he say anything about the dead
branch they're hanging from?'

It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly
cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir,
if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to
the cops!'

'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's
just my pay check in my pocket.'

'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job,
because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half
hour!'

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that
his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter.
She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and
I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet
he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually
a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. She
seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to
work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump
with him again. asing her what the matter was now, she
replied "Your horse phoned."

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. 'I
don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and
bloody stupid!'

'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied, 'He's ever so
clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's
cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.'

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is
asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be
present at the birth. 
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies 
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no
boyfriend either." 
"Do you have a partner then?" 
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you
before you see her that the baby is black" 
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck,
with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job
in a Porno movie. The lead man was black." 
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really
none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you
these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the
baby has blonde hair." 
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I
desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy
also involved in the movie, what else could I do?" 
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really
none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby
has slanted eyes." 
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up
and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I
really had no choice." 
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and
presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give
baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the
mother exclaims, 
"Well thank fuck for that !" 
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked. 
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this
horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to
bark!"

Santa Singh is sitting on a rather empty train across from a
good looking girl wearing a tight mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top
of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone
without underwear.

The girl realises he is staring and asks, 'Are you looking
at my pussy?'

'Yes, I'm sorry,' says Santa and promises to avert his
eyes.

'It's quite alright,' replies the woman, 'It's very
talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you.'

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Santa, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the
wonder pussy can do.

'I can also make it wink,' says the woman. Santa stares in
amazement as the pussy winks at him.

'Come and sit next to me,' suggests the woman, patting the
seat. Santa moves over.

The woman is now visibly horny and asks Santa, 'Would you
like to push a couple of your fingers in?'

Stunned, Santa replies, 'What! Can it whistle, too?'